You should follow your heart, but keep in mind to take your brain too.
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What's an prisoners favorite battery? Duracell Why are inmates so angry all the time? Cause they have bad cell service.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright.
When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name, he just wrote “Capricorn.”
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
After checking my poor results, the art teacher shouted, "Never in a vermilion years have I seen such poor grades"!
What do you get when you cross a fawn with a bumblebee?
Bambee.
How do you call stage diving at Oktoberfest?
Krautsurfing.
Q. What did the witch get when she crossed a doe with a tornado?
A. A whirling deer-vish.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
I never get tide down to one place when there's so much to sea.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
I used to live in in Aragon, in Spain.
Then I left.
I'm Aragone.
There might be other fish in the sea, but you’re my sole mate
“You’re my soul Santa.”
If a police officer pulls a U-Haul truck over...
did he just bust a move?
My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on?!
What is the difference between Barry Zito and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"Do you know how long it takes for a bomb to explode?"
No, but dynamite!
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
What’s a tree’s favorite dating site?
Timber.
Stop looking for the perfect match..
Use a lighter!
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.