What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
Luke Luck likes lakes.
Luke's duck likes lakes.
Luke Luck licks lakes.
Luck's duck licks lakes.
Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes.
Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.
Why did the river refuse to join the sea? Because the sea was salty.
Best in snow.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Why are volleyball players always so blameless? They always pass the blame and try to avoid faults.
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Why did the obtuse Triangle go to the beach?
Because it was more than 90°.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What do you give prisoners for dessert? Jaily-Beans.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
What did the hippocampus say during its retirement speech?
"Thanks for the memories."
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
What do you call a bee that lives in a mud hive?
An adobee!
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.