How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
You are like my dentures.
I cannot smile without you.
Why did the Sun never got into college? Because it already has quite a million degrees!
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does someone with one leg work?
IHOP.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
When the husband of the queen gets back to his palace after climbing the mountain, the queen says "Hi, King!"
How many saws could a see-saw saw if a see-saw could saw saws?
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
You’re udder-ly perfect.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What do you call a Blind Dinosaur's Dog? Do-ya-think-he-saurus-rex.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
You have goat to be kidding me.
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
Why did the mathematician work from home?
Because he could only function in his domain.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
I told my husband I was excited to see who's nose our baby has on the ultrasound.
He said, "He can't have my nose, I need it!"
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
One of my friends got lost while touring Tokyo. Turns out it was all Ja-plan.
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.