Show your popcorn and coke guy at the movies a little appreciation. After all, he makes a lot of concessions.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Are you a drum? Because my heart beats for you.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
The little boy autumn-bled over the pile of fallen leaves and yellow-d for help.
Why are fish so smart Because they swim in schools!
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Never forget how beautiful the mountains are. You don't want to take them for granite.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
How long have I loved you? I’ve lost track.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Sorry, I'm octopied.
What do you call a baker whose parents are siblings?
Inbred.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
Both tournament directors published the schedule at the same time. It was a draw.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
To go with the floe!
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
I recently opened a building with an exhibition of dermatological skin cases.
It’s a real gallery of the fine warts.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Ideally, the cost of a bowling game should be ten pinnies. However, with inflation, the price always goes up.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.