The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
What’s the best way to settle church disputes?
With canons.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called the SWAT team.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
I guess I’m going to France
Because I have nothing Toulouse.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
Why did the frog make so many mistakes?
It jumped to the wrong conclusions.
See snow evil, hear snow evil.
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
I went deep sea diving and a mollusk wanted to give me a hug!
Damn cuddlefish.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
An Indonesian Giant stubbed his foot on a volcano...
- Did he Krakatoa?
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
How are a volleyball player and a carpenter similar? They both love to hammer spikes.
A monster terrorized a village.
He kept doing it ogre and ogre again...
What is red, white, and blue over winter break?
A sad candy cane.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
- Bone voyage!
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
If you do bowling and for some reason you can’t hear a pin drop, something could be wrong with your bowling.
What do you call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?
Gracias.
I just had a near-se* experience…
My whole wife flashed before my eyes.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
The sun is mad at the clouds because the clouds keep throwing shade.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York?
She fell for the Big Apple.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
I’m going green, if you know what I mean.
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!