It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
To all ya'll without tap water,
Get well soon.
Pilots would be very hard to beat in a competition, they are always ready for a-rrival.
If you must cross a course cross cow across a crowded cow crossing, cross the cross coarse cow across the crowded cow crossing carefully.
Don't ignite your friends from behind, even if it's just a prank.
It will back fire for sure.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
Nurse: You can come by at 6 today. Very little patients today.
Man: What happened to the normal sized patients?
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
I just got fired from my theatre job. I guess I should've made a bigger scene about it.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Why these days, the Moon is up till so late? Don’t worry, it is just going through a phase.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
I'm considering becoming a cinematografur.
Why didn’t the newlyweds plant any flowers this spring?
They were too busy planting kisses!
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
How do you cheer up the patients at the vegetable hospital?
Bring a sick beet.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Call me on the shellphone.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
The tiger came went to the salon. Now, other animals of the jungle call him 'Shaved Khan.'
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
What’s the best way to settle church disputes?
With canons.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called the SWAT team.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
I guess I’m going to France
Because I have nothing Toulouse.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
Why did the frog make so many mistakes?
It jumped to the wrong conclusions.
See snow evil, hear snow evil.
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
I went deep sea diving and a mollusk wanted to give me a hug!
Damn cuddlefish.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.