The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
How do ghosts find out their future? They read their horror-scopes.
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
What did the ghost teacher say to her class? - Look at the board and I’ll go through it, again.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
My favorite sport is bowling cause I always strike out with girls.
Why can't a tattoo artist be faithful? Because he always has designs on his clients.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
The scare crow was out standing in his field, so he got awarded as the best employee of the year.
What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone.
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
"I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very
humerus."
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
What kind of chocolate do ghouls like?
Hearse-sheys!
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey
Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?
Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...
Brutus: I ate 2 slices.
Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
Why did the credit card go to jail? It was guilty as charged.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A Stegosaurus on roller skates!
What superhero takes public transportation to get around? Bus Lightyear.
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.