Why was the ocean angry? Because the ocean didn't wave back.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was too tired..
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
Ireland is a little lamb-boyant.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
The scientist time travels between summer and winter using his autumn-mobile!
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Rivers are...
the original streaming service.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
We bee-long together.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
It's okay password...
...I'm insecure too...
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat.
Becuase it was full
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
Why did the volleyball player get sent to jail? Because he was set up.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
Shell yeah.
My father had the uncanny ability to know which way the wind blew by feeling his jugular...
`It was his weather vein.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
Wish upon a starfish.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.