It's true what they say about scaring vampires with a torch.
You can see it in their fright of light response.
Why did the two puns go to camp together?
They wanted to be pun-kmates!
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
“I love you from head to mistletoe.”
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
What do skiers get if they sit in the snow for too long?
Polaroids!
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
Why did the bucket bounce?
Because it was filled with spring water.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
You can’t possibly play soccer in the amazon jungle because there are far too many cheetahs.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Have you heard about some bones on the moon? Looks like the cow couldn’t make it after all.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
You have me greening from ear to ear.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Trowel and error.
Join us for plenty of play action.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
What do you get when a dinosaur blows it's nose? OUT of the way!!
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
Did you know that ghosts call their true love their ghoul-friend?
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
How did the hamburger introduce his wife?
"Meet Patty."
I hear the Minotaur is really stubborn....
He's really bull-headed.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
What does a ghoul say when they wake up?
Gaaarrrh I love the smell of ghoul in the morning!
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
I imagined I saw a rainbow but it must have been a pigment of our imagination.
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
How do you know if there is a Brachiosaurus in bed with you? By the dinosnores.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.