What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
What do you call a witch's spotless garage?
A broom closet.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
What kind of music would planets prefer to hear? NepTUNEs.
Bad spelling makes me sic.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
What does the Ghost say when he sneezes? - Ach-ooooooooooooooooooooo!
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
What do moon people do after they get married?What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honeyearth.
I entered an auction on Ebay for a water butt cleaner.
But, I got out-bidet.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
What did the nurse at the blood bank say to the nervous patient?
B positive
What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?
SlamDrunk!
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
How many berries could a bare berry carry,
if a bare berry could carry berries?
Well they can't carry berries
(which could make you very wary)
but a bare berry carried is more scary!
I know tons of dad jokes! Here’s one
1.
What do you think holds the moon up? Moonbeams.
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
It’s a winterful day!
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
Where do point guards take their dates to party after the game?
To a basket ball.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.