Cheesy Valentines Day Sayings
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a mammoth’s tusk?
A sabre-toothed tiger.
How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?
It goes very deep
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.
Irish food is legen-dairy.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Why did the witch's cat scratch her?
Because he was in a bad mewd.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
You are pitcher perfect.
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
The plumber was working on the side to become an artist.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find a faucet for his creativity.
Wind turbine mechanics and engineers are very fond of the blew color!
“If you’re lucky this Christmas, Santa Claus will grace you with his presents.”
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
Why did you act like that at Thanksgiving dinner? I yam what I yam.
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
How does Italy execute its criminals?
Guidotine.
The scientist time travels between summer and winter using his autumn-mobile!
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
Distill my beating heart.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
What do you call a goat that acts immaturely?
A silly billy.
Rudder valve reversals
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
The instructions on this stick deodorant said "remove cap and push up bottom"...
I can hardly walk!
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
How does the tooth fairy survive a hurricane? She braces for it.
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!