Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
One more thyme.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Cutest clover in the patch.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?
They are not making any scents.
I think you’re dandelion.
A ship load of red paint crashed into a ship load of blue paint. The crews were marooned.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
What did one deoxygenated blood cell say to the other?
We're all in vain.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Why did the skeleton go to the daycare?
To get his Kidneys.
A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died.
She is sadly mist.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
A slimey snake slithered down the sandy sahara.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
Two friends were hanging out. One asks the other: "Hey, do you know about the famous detective that can't do bowel movements?"
The other friend replies: "No sh** Sherlock, of course I do!"
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
I'm a supervillain from Italy, I have the power to infect people with deadly diseases.
It’s-a-me, Malario.
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
What did the Turkey wear on Halloween?
He was a goblin.