What's a ghost's favorite makeup to wear? Mas-scare-a!
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
The goal nine yards
How do two skeletons have se*?
They bone each other.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
Life is way better in sandals, and that's one opinion that I will never flip-flop on.
How many ears do you think a Spock has? Three. A right ear, left ear, and a final front ear.
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
My dad and I saw this girl with a colorful backpack covered in pot leaves
He turned to me and said "thats a dope backpack". He is catching onto my slang.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
Not to brag, but I beat the state chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
You snooze. You booze.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
I'm a supervillain from Italy, I have the power to infect people with deadly diseases.
It’s-a-me, Malario.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What do you call a glass dinosaur?
Pyrex.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
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I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
Why shouldn't you iron a four-leaf clover?
You don't want to press your luck!
Everyone remembers the common hieroglyphics grammar rule...
Eye before flea, except after sea.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
"And this is the amputation wing of the hospital. It used to be a lot bigger."
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.