Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
My gay lover asked me if date night was optional.
I said no, it's a mandate
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
What's a prisoners favorite building materials? Steal n cement.
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
The dog didn’t want to play soccer because it was a boxer.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
I was sick and tired of the kids leaving their business in the toilet, so I yelled at them.
They immediately flushed with embarrassment.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
If I made werewolf puns, they would be howl-arious.
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
An arm and a leg!
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
You don't like the outdoors? Unbe-leaf-able.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What did one sushi roll say to the other sushi roll?
I’m soy into you.
This lady at the supermarket is staring at me, like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant...
And then put it back on the shelf.
Who directs all of the movies about volleyball injuries? Spike Lee.
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
The snow leopard appeared just at the time our guide predicted it. It appeared white on time!
When you cross a plane and a snake, you will end up with a Boeing Constrictor.
I just beat my friend in a Wild West themed art race!
I was quicker to the draw.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
He was going to sleep in a bucket of ice.
But then he got cold feet.
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
My favorite denim blue jeans just turned brown. I think I will have to call it Dung-arees!