What do you call a group of arms?
An army.
A classically trainer theater performer just became a spy.
I guess you could say they perform... thespionage
One should never mix oranges in apple juice. Well, perhaps you may do it once in a blue moon.
If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?
Beauty.
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
What do you call a guy who can't stop running along the beach?
Joggernaut.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
Many mumbling mice are making merry music in the moonlight.
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
I'm making a new documentary on how to fly a plane.
We're currently filming the pilot.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
What do you call a hangover when you're alone in Spain?
Barf-a-lona.
What do you give prisoners for dessert? Jaily-Beans.
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
Where do sharks go when they want a vacation? Finland
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
How does one raindrop ask another out? Water you doing tonight?
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
"Happy eggster."
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
What did one sushi roll say to the other sushi roll?
I’m soy into you.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What does the Tour de France and Amsterdam have in common?
They both have a bunch of people on drugs riding around on bikes.
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!