What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
Green is the most relaxed color in the rainbow, it's so jade back.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Beaver Y.
Beaver Y. who?
Bea-ver-y quiet, you are in a library.
What do you call a chicken that was struck by lightning?
Air fried.
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
A tutor who tooted the flute tried to teach two young tooters to toot. Said the two to the tutor, ‘Is it harder to toot, or to tutor two tooters to toot?
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
How do you make a dog stop barking in the backyard?
Move him to the front yard.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
The Basque Pro Shop.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Sometimes planes go in for maintenance when they have cracks in their bodywork, we call them air-line fractures.
“Halloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
I visited Spain and couldn't stop looking at the architecture
It was very Moorish.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
Do you think you know more parrot jokes than me? Toucan play that game!
How are relationships similar to algebra?
Because sometimes you look at your X and wonder Y.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
As it snow happens.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.