Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
How do rabbits travel?
On hareplanes!
She sold six shabby sheared sheep on ship.
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
All things must grass.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?
They read the reviews... only one star.
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
No need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight.
You don’t like my winter pun? How cold!
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Happy St. Cat-rick’s day!
Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he just didn't have an ear for music.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
I have a bone to pixie with you.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
“Deck the Halls with Bows on Collies.”
How does the sun say hi to the moon?
With a heat wave!
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
The reason why bowling alleys are so quiet is such that you can hear a pin drop.
I always have a souper time with you.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What does a polite vampire say to its victim?
- Fang you very much.