Why did the troll go running?
To keep up with you!
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
Living on Earth might be expensive. But we surely get a free trip around the sun every year!
How does a vampire bat enter his house?
Through the bat flap.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
Who are the biggest fans at the theatre? The backstage crew - They're always giving props to the actors.
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
I threw water on a flamingo the other day
Now it's just an O.
I was painting my room with my brother...
When I realised. He's not a very good brush.
What do you say when you want to break the ice with someone?
Ice to meet you!
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
You are the coffee to my espresso and I love you a latte.
What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
The furniture store saleswoman keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
As a nurse, I have a patient who is very rude...
He's ill-mannered.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
Why do snowmen always get injured when playing sports?
Because they refuse to warm up!
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
What is Grammar?
The difference between knowing your sh*t, and knowing you're sh*t.
I went to my kid's school for an art exhibition
It was paper view.
I saw a really cool kangaroo the other day
It had a hip hop
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine in winter? To stop his coffin.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
It’s party thyme.
Why do volleyball players love to swim? They like diving in the deep and then floating in the shallow.