How many volleyball referees do you need to screw in a light bulb? None because they are always in the dark.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
Did you hear Ireland is the fastest-growing country in Europe?
Its population is always Dublin.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
Dublin over in laughter.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
Where do werewolves store their things?
In a were-house.
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
I was trying to reshape the border of my backyard when my neighbors' fence fell over...
Wrong post.
What did the boy without hands get for his birthday?
Nobody knows, he hasn't got the package open yet.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
Easter and April Fools fall on the same day this year...
You could say it only happens once in a blue moon.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Scientists believe that one day we will find Sasquatch, just...
Not Yeti.
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
A Thesaurus.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
My brother has been riding a bicycle since he was 4 years old
Damn he must be very far away by now
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
You're my purr-son.
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
My son asked me, what’s a Greek urn?
I said, “about 20 drachmas a day.”
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
What do you say to comfort a grammar teacher?
They’re, there, their.
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.