Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
My realtor promised to give me a free abacus if he could close the deal.
I’m unsure whether to count on it or not.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
Daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no, so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said...
"Then why are you shaking?"
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
Up to snow good.
I like telling dad jokes.
Sometimes he laughs.
It’s the most wonderful time of the beer.
The female janitor at my office asked me if I would like to smoke some weed with her.
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women.
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
Which legend lived in a shack? Was it Eddy? No, Ma-hovel-ich!
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It’s the little things that count.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a hyena?
A monster with a sense of humor.
I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What is a frog's favorite time?
Leap year.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Why do people in Greece not wake up until noon?
Because Dawn is tough on greece.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
Who brings presents for crows on Christmas? On Christmas? Santa Caws
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?
H2Oww
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
Long thyme no see.
What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit? One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
Snow thank you.
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
I tried to come up with a funny theatre joke, but it was all just an act.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.