What do you call a witch who drives badly?
A road hag.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
hat do you call it when a runner from Moscow starts a race at Red Square that ends in Finland?
Russian to the Finnish.
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
What is the difference between a panda and a polar bear?
About 1,000 miles.
We Rodin a taxi around the city after dark.
What do you call a cold crocodile in winter? A refrigerator.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For hispanic attacks.
Where are dramatic hard drives from?
Oh I/O
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
A tree's limbs fell off in a storm, now it's an amputree.
What party game do rabbits like to play?
Musical Hares!
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
I beg your garden?
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
People who fall sick at the airport possibly end up with terminal illness.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
I went into my art lesson covered in yeast and flour...
My teacher said, I'm the perfect roll model.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it's the scenter.
I took a road trip with my girlfriend who finally confessed she needs to stop and hug every now and again to reduce anxiety.
It was touch and go from there on.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
I asked a pink bird who its favourite artist was. It looked at me strangely and replied “Flamingo Starr, of course.”
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
I thought, I thought of thinking of thanking you.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?
They flipper coin!
Give papa a cup of proper coffee in a copper coffee cup.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
They say that she only paints night scenes. Other artists really pale by comparison.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.