Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
How do you shoot a three-headed ghoul?
Bang! Bang! Bang!
There is a Giant Screwdriver attacking the city. Please seek shelter immediately. This is not a drill.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
I want to open a doctors office with a nail salon inside.
It’ll be called “Many Cures and Manicures”.
My favourite piece in chess is the rook
It is the most straight-forward.
We are looking pitcher-perfect.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
The big black bug bit the big black bear,
but the big black bear bit the big black bug back!
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
Baby dump trucks have the cutest name – they’re called dumplings.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
Abraham. He knew a Lot.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
What's the sweetest moment in a hockey game? When they're icing the puck.
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
The anti-vax basketball team lost every game this season
Apparently they never take any shots.
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
It’s raining cats and dogs outside.
I think I just stepped in a poodle.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
Why do old artists never die? They just withdraw.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Don’t be elfish.
What type of elements know everybody on earth?
Met-all.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What nature phenomenon is the funniest? A cyclown!
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart's new?
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”