You cannot strike it, if you don’t try it.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
Q. Why was the blonde disappointed after her visit to an apiary?
A. There weren't any gorillas there. DUH!
What do volleyball players like in bed? Kinky sets.
I’m so lepre-gone right now.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
The stage is the most hygienic place in the world. Every time we turn on the lights they get a wash.
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What do you call a stampeding herd of llamas?
The alpacalypse.
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cat a bath?
It will surely end in a cat-astrophe.
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
What does the visual system use to play basketball?
Eyeballs.
Why did the ghoul eat a light bulb?
Because it wanted a light snack!
As a nurse, I have a patient who is very rude...
He's ill-mannered.
What do you call a disabled paper towel?
A napkan't.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
"I'm nuts about you."
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
My race time today was much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo? Hop on!
This may be corny, but you are a-maize-ing.
At what time of day did God create Adam?
Just before Eve.
Why don’t readers have extra time? They’re booked.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
People are always after me lucky charms.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
Why did the bus driver stay out all night? He was 'driving' around town!
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
The reason why soccer players are brilliant in math is because they know how to use their heads well.
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.