Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
Gobbling gargoyles gobbled gobbling goblins.
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do you call a little ghost with a torn sheet? A hole-y terror.
Be careful this Easter
There is a lot of basket cases out there.
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
We should've guessed the failed postman wouldn't be any better at delivering his acting lines.
Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
Why was the Copper Mountain skier taken to the emergency room?
He hurt his ski bum.
In what state is the Amazon River? It is in the liquid state.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
Where do chess grandmasters keep their pet snakes?
In a chesst.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
"I've found some bunny to love."
What did the lobsterman say when his crate turned up empty?
It a-piers we have a problem.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
My friend said that he eats more than his brother.
I was more concerned by the fact that he eats his brother.
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
Why didn’t the lady skeleton wear a bikini?
Because she was big boned.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
I managed to fix the toilet all on my own today! I'm so proud of myself. Some would even go as far as to say I'm...
flushed with success.
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
Why did the cow go to space?
to get ice cream.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.