Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What do you call an alien spaceship that's leaking water?
A crying saucer.
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?
European!
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
What’s a llama’s favorite movie?
Alpacalypse Now.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop.
I recently broke up with my caterpillar girlfriend.
She'd changed.
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
No need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight.
Did you hear about the famous Spanish streaker?
Senor Willy.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
I really wish my five-year-old son would make up his mind! First, he said he wanted a treehouse in the backyard, but now, he says he doesn't need it…
Took me twenty years to grow that thing!
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
"It's been an emotional day," said the groom. "Even the cake is in tiers."
How do you know Frankenstein is tired?
He’s dead on his feet.
I'm burning a gold-scented candle.
It has a very rich aroma.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
What did the pastry cook say when he was making the cake?
Bat-a-cake. Bat-a-cake.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.