Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thick, say it quick!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thicker, say it quicker!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Don't eat with your mouth full!
Well, there are mixed reviews. People say the food is great. But there is no atmosphere or ambience.
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
iWood
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
How do you stop a werewolf attacking you?
Throw a stick and shout “Fetch.”
Did you know that the soldiers at Arlington salute their new Jack-o-Lanterns every Halloween?
They always honor the changing of the Gourd.
I scored when I met you.
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
Water you doing on [date]?
What does a gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
I'm Going to Host a Boat Race.
The winner will get pasta. It will be called the Penne Regatta.
Where do Astronauts go to the bathroom?
Where no one has gone before.
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
I’m ready to shamrock and roll.
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
What is fog's favorite drink? Mountain Dew
There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminium pan.
What does the sun drink out of?
Sunglasses!
What did the pig say on a hot summer’s day?
I’m bacon!
What's the best way to avoid eating too many Thanksgiving leftovers? Quit cold turkey.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Why should you you stand on the service line? So that you can order ice cream.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
It started raining coins outside today.
I guess it’s just climate change.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
Why did the Ghost turn down the job? He could not see himself doing it.
My trucker friend was super excited about his new house. I asked him why, and he told me it had a really long haul way.
Got a universal remote for my Birthday.
Well, this changes everything.
I often tell my niece to listen, because hearing is the first thing you lose with aging.
Or was it memory? I can't remember.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
What kind of music would planets prefer to hear? NepTUNEs.
What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”