What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
Happy St. Cat-rick’s day!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
An Iranian entrepreneur opened a copy shop.
It's called *Prints of Persia*.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
In the night, a visitor came past my igloo. It was a yeti!
Not sure who left the other cooler, but thanks!
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are both will end up in the gutter.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
You’re a cutie 3.14159265359
What is the capital of Greece?
G.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Who needs luck? I have charm.
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
The bowling solder decided to launch a pre-emptive strike.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Any proof that Saturn married more than once? Well, he do has a lot of rings.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
As soon as one beaver jumped in the river to search for his key, it got shocked, as the current was too strong.
What’s the biggest difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool’s Day?
On one you’re thankful but on the other you’re prankful.
A man entered his house and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in his house.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.