Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
I just beat my friend in a Wild West themed art race!
I was quicker to the draw.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
As I put the car in reverse, I thought to myself:
"This really takes me back".
While browsing the bookshop, I stuck a sheet of A4 paper to my wife's spine.
She said she wanted a paperback for her birthday.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
They had no chemistry!
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
The earth's rotation really makes my day.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
A brand new real estate agent walks into a Realtor’s office for their interview. “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months,” the Realtor asked. “Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it,” they responded.
The perfect name for a pig that plays basketball is a ball hog.
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm. I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
A railroad engineer must be sure not to lose his train of thought or he might go down the wrong track.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
What does a koala do before making any kind of appointment? He always checks his koalander.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
What do you get when you dump your Easter eggs on a hill?
A spring roll!
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What was the skeleton’s favorite Christmas candy?
Bone-bone.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
What do you get when you cross a fawn with a bumblebee?
Bambee.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
What do you call a small Minotaur?
A Minitaur.
Why do action potentials make good volleyball players?
They are always spiking.
"You can't skele-run from my skele-puns."