Windmills? I’m a huge fan!
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
My friend can't afford expensive art, she has no Monet.
Two goats are married, living on a farm. Billy Goat says, "I really want children. Let's make some babies."
Betty Goat responds, "Heck no. No baby goats for me..."
"I'm not kidding."
"I wood never leaf you."
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
I really hate these strings. I can feel it in my gut.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Where will Kim Jong-un’s ashes be stored?
In a Kim Jong-urn
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates!
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
- Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.
- Somewhere ogre there.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
Do you be-leaf in magic?
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
What do you call a problematic person with a gun?
A troubleshooter.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
What was it like to fight Medusa?
- At first I was afraid, then I was petrified...
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
It was mitten in the stars.
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
I was surprised when I saw a man get struck by lightning.
The man was shocked as well.
Sea you at the beach.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.