What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Dreaming in color is the artist's pigment of imagination.
What is the most favourite drink of a cow? Mountain Moo.
Never laugh at your spouse’s choice… You’re one of them.
What's the Kraken gonna give you that'll make you laugh uncontrollably?
Ten Tickles!
Time to celery-brate.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
A tree fell over in our yard but we aren't sure why.
We're looking for the root cause.
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
Why are Minotaurs always broke?
Because their loan sharks are always milking them dry!
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
I accidently sprayed deoderant in my mouth
Now every time I speak I have a weird Axe Scent.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
The favorite soccer position for ghosts is the ghoul keeper.
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Icy what you did there.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
Jack is a lovable man with a colorful personality. He is a great hue-man.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What’s the difference between Jesus and pizza?
Jesus can’t be topped.
What is the fastest way to make a setter angry? Each time you make a pass, tell the setter the ball is “Up” and then say “Yours!”
I was really surprised when I learned that singer Pink's favorite color was actually green. No one could have i-magenta-it.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark?
Because Noah was standing on the deck.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
"I whip my hare back and forth."
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.