Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
Which soccer position does a Ghost play? Ghoulkeeper, of course.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
How do you apologize to a koala?
Bear your heart and soul to them.
Would they get two minutes for tripping?
Not if they spliff the defence.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
What do the astronauts put on their lunch toast? Space jam.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
The judge sentenced the basketball player to life imprisonment because he shot the ball.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Where do restless travelers like to go?
To Rome.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
College-age vampires only ever shop in one place - Forever 21.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What does a cow call their spouse?
Significant udder.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
Most of your players never make it out of the lower-level tournaments. I highly doubt their Futures as a professional.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
I dig you a hole lot.
It’s the fawn of a new day! - said the deer happily after waking up.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
What do you call a dude who really likes autumn?
A fall guy!
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
What kind of fish do skeletons like to eat?
Carpals.
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.