What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
All clover the world.
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy
Never has there been a more romantic story than how those two geologists met.
It was lava at first sight.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
"Is it the tar that smells like farts?"
"No, it was your asphalt"
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
What did E.T.'s father say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
We all sat by the fireplace listening to the basketballer’s story. At some point, I found it unbelievable. It was such a tall tale!
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
I’m Dublin down on what I said before.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
I'd hate to be the bearer of bad blues.
Up to snow good.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
Why shouldn't you hire a volleyball player to be your bartender?
The service may be excellent, but he'll try to spike all the drinks.
I bought my missus an egg-beater for our wedding anniversary.
I knew she wanted me to whisk her away.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
I ate the exam paper
Which means that sooner or later I will pass the test
It is now a universal truth that actions speak louder than coaches.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
What's the difference between Greek yogurt and regular yogurt?
Greek yogurt has a rich cultural history.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
In on the ground flora.
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!