Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
What did the turkey say after Thanksgiving dinner? I'm still stuffed.
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
What did the Bluetooth say as the ship went down?
"Help! We’re syncing!"
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
My dad just told me something that sent a chill down my spine.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
I tried bidding on a shopping center in a real estate auction, but someone outbid me at the last minute. I guess the old saying is true…
You can’t win a mall.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Q. Which square dancing step do stags enjoy most?
A. The Doe-si-Does.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Why do witches only ride their broomsticks at night?
That's the time to sweep.
A guy walks into the bar.
It's hardly surprising he didn't make the steeplechase team, on reflection.
What is a car’s preferred TV program?
The Driving Dead.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
It was too expensive to fly and too long to walk.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
Everyone wondered why Cinderella was such a bad player. If only they knew, her coach was a pumpkin.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
I like to say mucho when i’m talking to my Spanish speaking friends.
It means a lot to them.
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.