One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
What kind of magazines would the planets prefer to read? Cosmos.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
What martial art does Earth know?
Geo-Jitsu.
Salty but sweet.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
"You might not carrot all, but you're irresistible."
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Which lawn decorations move around from yard to yard?
Gnomads.
Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? Cause they don't know how to cook
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
The troll told his girlfriend that he was head ogre heels for her.
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
In the night, a visitor came past my igloo. It was a yeti!
Not sure who left the other cooler, but thanks!
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux.
What do you call a troll that’s in charge?
In control.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Why did Larry the lizard leave his lover longing?
he had ... a reptile dysfunction
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
I like bowling.
Seriously, it’s right up my alley.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
I eat eel while you peel eel
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
Don’t go bacon my heart.
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
Elephant boxing matches are very difficult to watch. It becomes tough to identify as both have grey trunks!
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.