Two ghosts were at a disco. One was having a fa-boo-lous time and the other wanted to boo-gie all night long!
Why does it take so long for the EU to figure out how much Italy owes them every year?
Hey, ease up. Rome wasn't billed in a day.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
Other people had drugs in school, but I brought Greek cheeses.
That way I could have math and feta cheese.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
There might be other fish in the sea, but you’re my sole mate
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
When your putt lips out, what disease do you have?
Liprocy.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
Q. What did one artistic colored pencil say to another?
A. Bro, you are lookin' sharp today!
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
What do you call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?
Gracias.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What sound does a Greek cow make?
"μ"
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
He planted a light bulb and thought he'd get a power plant.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What do you call it when the axe in your hand falls on your feet.
An AXEIDENT.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
Twin brothers just had a birthday
One turned twenty. The other turned twenty too.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
Where does a thrifty Frankenstein get his limbs?
At the second-hand store.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
“Santa’s beard is so long because he’s bad at shaving. Why do you think they call him Saint Nick?”
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door.
That plumber has some sense of humour.
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What name does Santa Claus use when he takes a break from delivering gifts? Santa Pause!
I visited Spain and couldn't stop looking at the architecture
It was very Moorish.
Where do gorillas go to after work?
The monkey bars.