Why is spring a great time to start a gardening business?
Because it’s the season when you can really rake in the cash.
We’re a perfect mash.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
As autumn came, the leaves started greeting each other by saying, "Hay there!"
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
I hope for world peas.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
What kind of money does deer use?
“Bucks!”
I went to a new kind of show yesterday, which was hosted by a color-changing lizard. He was a good stand-up chameleon.
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
I shot the city sheriff.
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
"Check, mate."
"Checkmate."
"Hey! Can I get the check, mate?!?"
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
There's this vampire who's more powerful than any other, because he can't be hurt by the sun
All other vampires pale in comparison.
What did the teacher say when he could not get into his car?
‘Oh no, I have lost my Kias!’
Crossbows are great, but they have their drawbacks.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
I lost a cooking challenge once for not completing the dish.
I ran out of thyme.
To the person who stole my glasses...
I will find you... I have good contacts!
I like you a latte.
“You’re my soul Santa.”
I want anarchy
Because my keyboard is missing one.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
I thought a thought.
But the thought I thought
Wasn’t the thought I thought I thought.
If the thought I thought I thought,
Had been the thought I thought,
I wouldn’t have thought I thought.
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.