What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
I don’t believe in boats
I have yacht to see one.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Drink happy thoughts.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
I’ve always been a trucker, but recently I applied for a job at Microsoft. I’ve heard they’re always looking for more drivers.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
Fir sure.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
I was in the hospital the other day and the nurse asked how I was doing; I told her I was fine until my bladder had to go and get infected.
I mean, the gall...
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Why should you never break up with a goalie?
Because he is a keeper!
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
An arm and a leg!
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
In the night, a visitor came past my igloo. It was a yeti!
Not sure who left the other cooler, but thanks!
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
An astronaut who normally fails on a weightlessness experiment, might surely be aware of the gravity of the situation.
What do apres-ski participants in white-out blizzard conditions eat for lunch?
Icebergers. BRR!
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
If art became imprisoned we'd have to Freda art.
I was surprised that although I was supposed to be feeling blue, my heart was not that heavy. Perhaps, I am feeling light blue.
More candles means a bigger wish!
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
Why did the bald man decide to paint a bunch of rabbits on his head? He thought that they could look like hares from a distance.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
How do you know your heart is your biggest fan?
It’s always so pumped for you.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.