Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever ?
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
Why should a bowling alley be quiet?
So you can hear a pin drop!
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
Where do math teachers normally like to go on summer vacation?
Times Square.
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he soon has you in stitches.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
The best gift I ever got was a broken drum...
You can't beat it.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
If you take a dump on a stump...
Does that make it a toilet tree?
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
You mermaid to go far.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What did the giant octopus say to the pirate ship?
- What’s Kraken?
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What various kinds of fishes live in space? Starfish.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
An astronaut broke up with his girlfriend
Apparently he didn't love her to the moon and back.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
What is a ghost’s favorite carnival ride? The rollerghoster.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Q. What did one artistic colored pencil say to another?
A. Bro, you are lookin' sharp today!
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
I hate spring cleaning.
Darn things bounce all over the place.
If you're Russian when you go to the bathroom, and you're Finnish when you come out of it, what are you when you're inside?
European!
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
How come there are no automatic cars in Spain?
They’re all Manuel.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch