Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Canada is planning a mission to the moon
They're calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
Are sasquatches superstitious?
Yes, they always knock on wood!
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
All punts are highly intended
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Why are wintertime fortune tellers so reliable?
They can see what is mitten in the stars.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
What do you call a dog that likes to dig up bones?
A barkeologist.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on the planet?
It's pasteurized before you see it.
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
Started reading a book called “The Pirate’s Wrist”
I’m hooked.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
Flying for long distances is very Boeing at times
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
Yally Bally had a jolly golliwog. Feeling folly, Yally Bally Bought his jolly golli' a dollie made of holly! The golli', feeling jolly, named the holly dollie, Polly. So Yally Bally's jolly golli's holly dollie Polly's also jolly!
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
Windmills? I’m a huge fan!
What did the prehistoric Greeks call their goddess of love?
Troglodite.
What's a pun's best trait?
His pun-ctuality!
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
Why don’t leprechauns run?
They’d rather jig than jog.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
Gold riddance.
Can anyone advise me what color my hair is?
I find it's a bit of a grey area.
These thousand tricky tongue twisters trip thrillingly off the tongue.
What game do some skiers like to play on the road trip to the slopes?
Ice Spy With My Little Ice.
What did the pig say on a hot summer’s day?
I’m bacon!
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.