Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?
In the skelebin.
Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks?
They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
I know this bird who was excluded from his flock for being too big
He was ostrich-sized.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?
The Mazda-lorian
This is one spray-cation to remember.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
What do ghouls eat for supper? Spooketi
You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
Why is Jupiter so sad and heartbroken? Because his crush wants a plutonic relationship with him.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
Bigfoot saw me today
I bet nobody believes him.
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Icy what you did there.
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift. Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.
All clover the world.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Roofs of mushrooms rarely mush too much.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.