How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
What do chess players from the Czech Republic call their friends?
Czech-mates.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
I keep looking at our upstage platform that is designed with only a ladder for access. It's just so hard not to stair.
Why do pieces of popcorn always have great birthdays? Because they’re always popping!
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
Why would an oreo cookie need to visit a dentist? To get a filling replacement.
What do you call two cookies from the same cookie sheet who fall in love? A batch made in heaven.
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
France is beautiful in every Cezanne.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
When a planet dies, does it get an orbituary?
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What did the art teacher say to the aspiring actress? You sure look the art.
I love spending koala-ty time with you.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
He’s an elf-made man.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
How will you make a baby astronaut fall asleep peacefully? Rock-et.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Why was the museum curator so good at judging paintings and sculptures? He was talented at art official intelligence.
What did the Australian Chess player say about the mouldy bread?
"Stalemate."
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
Why did you fall in love with the Paris art museum? It was just Louvre at first site.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
What do you call a poor ant?
A peas-ant.
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, want me to jump off this chairlift for you? 'Cause I think I could fall for you.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
My dad was the top clown at the circus, but unfortunately he passed away.
I guess I have some pretty big shoes to fill.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.