Did you hear that Mexicans created a machine that dispenses fish?
They call it a pez dispenser.
What do you call a dog’s back teeth?
Canine canines.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm.
I gave her superglue instead.
She's still not talking to me.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
Q. Which deer prison is escape proof?
A. Elk-atraz.
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
What do cows in Greece sound like?
They say µ.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
You have me greening from ear to ear.
How do old witches get good bargains?
They hag-gle.
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
Q. Why can't computers play tennis?
A. They try to surf the net.
Did you hear about the cows struck by lightning?
They were completely cattletonic!
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What did the Power Ranger say after being sent to the hospital?
It's morphine time.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
“I found this humerus” is the perfect Halloween pun for boneheads.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
I am happy that the arrangements for St Patrick's day are going great. The large bottles of green soda look pitcher-perfect.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
"Over-easy like Sunday morning."
Son: I was really Hungary and I ate the whole Turkey. There is only Greece left.
Me: I couldn’t Bolivia!
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What did the ghoul say to the clown on Halloween?
Tag, you’re it!
It is not uncommon for elephants to start a stampede. Especially if they want to play for the Chargers.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
"The Full Moon is a natural furnomenon," said the werewolf.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian.