What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What’s the biggest danger of building a snow dog?
Frostbite!
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
I'm reading a horror story in Braille and something bad is about to happen...
I can feel it.
I went to a theater performance done on a bunch of dictionaries the other day...
It was a play on words.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
I’m in love with France, and I ain’t Lyon.
Puns make me numb, but math puns make me...
Number.
What is a car’s favourite film?
Taxi.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
What trophy do you get if you never score any points? The Art Rouse.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
This foundation is rock salad.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
There’s a new movie out called “The Truck.” I’ve seen the trailer, it looks great.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
Six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
I got sacked from my job at the guillotine factory today
It’s a cut throat business
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…