What do Mexicans wear on their heads in the pool?
Swimbreros.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.
Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
What is a bat’s favorite dessert?
Pineapple upside-down cake.
I heard Medusa looked really pretty.
In fact, her looks were stunning.
I was watching a chess champion vs a boxing champion match.
The chess player had a mean right rook!
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
What kind of key does a ghost use to unlock his room? A spoo-key.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
What month always asks questions and permission?
May!
Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?
The ultrasound guy
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
What type of pool do mechanics like best?
The car pool!
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
What do you call a group of chess players bragging about how they won in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo.
We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds.
What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?
There were repercussions.
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
I decided to add a water fixture to my backyard...
... it's going well
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
My family isn't really into pancakes.
We're more of a Waffle House.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
What did one lightbulb say to the other lightbulb on Valentine’s Day?
I love you watts.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B?
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Real rocks are too heavy.
I know my shot was in. But I won’t argue, because I’m not up for the challenge.
Don't theater jokes always seem so staged?
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.