How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
I was at the beach and saw this guy in the water yelling, “Help, shark! Help!
I just laughed because I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
Why were the volleyball players always tying in tic tac toe? Each time one of them sets an X, the other player just says O.
A car company tried to make a submarine, but it kept surfacing too quickley
The crew got the Mercedes-Bends
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
"I mead more wine."
My wife hates my collection of old snake skins.
So I have to keep them in the shed.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
Where do ghosts play golf?
On a golf corpse.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
Vasco de Balboa told the Queen of Spain, “I discovered a large body of water on my journey.”
She said, “Could you be a little more pacific?”
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
While building a house, the architect took his fingers and dipped them in a jar of blue ink. He wanted to get the blueprints!
Why didn't the snowman go to the party?
He had snowone to go with!
Where do werewolves store their things?
In a were-house.
Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
Your love will always be up to par.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What do you call a yeti with a sixpack?
The abdominable snowman.
The sun is mad at the clouds because the clouds keep throwing shade.
Rudder valve reversals
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
After the Moroccan scored a Hat-trick, the players gathered for the fez-off.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
Why these days, the Moon is up till so late? Don’t worry, it is just going through a phase.
Wife: why do dad's have the worst jokes?
Me: It's a rule, dads have to have cringy jokes
Wife: Who makes those rules?
Me: The Dad Poet Society
Wife: (Groan)
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
An ig is just a snow house without a loo!
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
What do sailors buy to customise the back of their ships?
Aft-ermarket parts!
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
The snowman keeps having tantrums, they're real meltdowns!
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
Snow thank you.