Who put the Howl in Halloween?
Not ghouls just the people they ate!
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
I don’t get why people buy into the flat earth theory.
I mean, the arguments for it aren’t exactly well rounded.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
The male pig puts everyone to sleep.
You might say he’s quite a boar.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
I tried making a machine that shoots bullets out of your fingers, but it shot out my spine instead.
Well, that back fired.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw!
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Why don't squirrels wear skinny jeans?
Because their nuts won't fit.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
How do ghouls like their meals?
Runny!
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
What did the first thunderstorm of the year say?
Hail to the spring!
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
We all sat by the fireplace listening to the basketballer’s story. At some point, I found it unbelievable. It was such a tall tale!
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
You know, I didn't kiss my wife until I was married...
because she wasn't my wife until we were married.
You’re the cutest clover in the patch.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
Wind turbines don’t talk about much. They just shoot the breeze.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
I was gonna make some car puns...
but I ran out of gas.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?
Love at first byte.