What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Good bowlers always keep their minds out of the gutter.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
“Did you hear the forecast for Christmas Eve? They’re calling for rain, dear!”
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
Tommy Tucker tried to tie Tammy's Turtles tie.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Why was the farmer angry?
Because someone got his goat.
Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris?
He was declared to be in Seine.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
I told you snow.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
My wife was watching me do some DIY and she said I hammer like lightning.
I never strike in the same place twice.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Which trophy has the most glitz? The Lady Bling.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
I'm not the fig plucker,
nor the fig plucker's son,
but I'll pluck figs
till the fig plucker comes.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Snow joke, the weather is horrible today!
Her name is Carly and she's a doctor
maybe I should C A Rly good doctor.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
Maternity ward nurse asked my wife if she needed to go to the bathroom.
She says, "yeah, I could stand to pee."
I said, "No, you should probably still sit so it doesn't get everywhere."
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!