I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think they'll change it back.
It's only a phase, after all.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Volcanoes are rude! They are always int-erupt-ing.
The king and queen of the animal kingdom were having marriage trouble.
"You're a cheetah!" said one to the other. "Oh yeah?" she replied,
"You're a lion!"
If your mom slaps you with high frequency -
It Hertz
A synonym for cinnamon is a cinnamon synonym.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Whats the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moonday.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
I followed my heart to you.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
Pick-up line: You might as well play be a tennis player, because I’m about to court you girl.
Q: What did the leaf say to the wind?
A: You really blew me away.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
I auditioned to be a carpenter’s hand.
Nailed it.