What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
What did the man say after spending hours skiing?
"I'm starving, can I avalanche?"
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
So I called her Bluff.
You're my purr-son.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
Do black and white count as colors?
It's a gray area.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
He didn’t want to split hairs.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm.
I gave her superglue instead.
She's still not talking to me.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
What does a Saudi bee call its bros?
Habibees.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
I tried to start a soccer club so I put up some posters on a local bulletin board.
Just to get the ball rolling.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
Did you hear about the Irish potato that immigrated?
He became a French fry.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Long ago, a couple of dudes claimed that human flight was possible.
They were Wright.