There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
What trophy do you get if you never score any points? The Art Rouse.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish!
Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
What is the angriest place on Earth?
Ire-land
The Queen of the Nile was said to always show a bit of leg...
but Nefertiti.
What did the Power Ranger say after being sent to the hospital?
It's morphine time.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
All punts are highly intended
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
"Don't worry, be hoppy."
Did you hear ISIS is spreading to Italy?
Nobody's concerned though, since it's just Italian ISIS and they're delicious. Especially cherry flavor.
What do skiers order at fast food restaurants?
Icebergers with Chilly Sauce, on the slide.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What did one paint say to another when they got in an argument? Don't use that tone with me.
I saw a squirrel bury a nut in my backyard today.
I'm going to swap it for a grilled cheese sandwich and blow his mind.
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
You're acute Valentine.
Where does a Portuguese skeleton live?
Lis-bone
What did the pun say to his annoying colleague?
You're being pun-reasonable right now!
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
Do you know what is the actual difference between hell and hill? It is only a fine line.
How do you tell others that your Israeli husband made coffee?
Hebrew.
Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
The calm before the score
What do you call a cannibal that works in a university?
Hannibal Lecture.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
Now that it's summer, we've got to seas the day!
What did France, Great Britain, and their allies say after The Great War?
World War Won.
The dog didn’t want to play soccer because it was a boxer.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker?
A bird that talks in morse code!
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What do you call a hospital ward full of epeliptic vegetables?
Seizure salad
Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
It was too expensive to fly and too long to walk.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.