If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Can I go to France this year? Of Corsican!
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
I never knew how lightning worked
Thats until it finally struck me.
It's ice to meet you.
Why did the volleyball players line up from shortest to tallest? The coach wanted the team to switch from a 5-1 line up to a 6-2.
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
During labor, the nurse came up to my wife and said, “How about epidural anesthesia?”
I said, “Thanks, but we already picked a name.”
Why was there no food left at the Halloween party?
Because everyone was a goblin.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
What sound did the gun make when the priest shot through two benches to kill a mass shooter?
PEW PEW
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.
I was really surprised when I learned that singer Pink's favorite color was actually green. No one could have i-magenta-it.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
I feel thankful for having you as my gym buddy and lover.
Our relationship is really working out.
Where do ghosts go trick or treating? Dead ends.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
What should you wear when you play against the National Volleyball Team? Football helmets.
Why was the ocean angry? Because the ocean didn't wave back.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What kind of spells do leprechauns use?
Lucky Charms!
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
Santa's Short Suit Shrunk
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What do they call the Hunger Games in France?
Battle Royale with Cheese.
What do you call James Bond taking a bath?
Bubble 07