What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
A flamingo can be a really good friend to have. However, they generally fit the bill really well.
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
I was watching a chess champion vs a boxing champion match.
The chess player had a mean right rook!
A lot of William Shakespeare’s plays were based off of old Greek and Roman performances
That's playgarism if you ask me.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
I had the best ice pun to tell you…
Problem is, it slipped my mind.
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What happens when you run in front of a bus?
You get tired.
What happens when you run behind a bus?
You get exhausted.
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
The Greeks make the best cheese
You feta believe it!
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
Shamrocks and shenanigans for all!
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
Why are Minotaurs always broke?
Because their loan sharks are always milking them dry!
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
Kindly kittens knitting mittens keep kazooing in the king’s kitchen.
Would Gretzky have changed his name in order to play in Mexico?
Yes, The Great Juan did what it takes.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
My wife and I have the same shoes. I guess you could say we are solemates.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
I can’t believe that during the attempted murder, John Crow, Russel Crow and Sheryl Crow were all in the room.
What do you call a cold werewolf?
A chilli dog.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.