Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
The artist was great. He could always draw a crowd.
My dad was the top clown at the circus, but unfortunately he passed away.
I guess I have some pretty big shoes to fill.
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
Where do Ghosts travel to for a holiday? South Aarghfricaargh.
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
If pronouncing b’s as v’s makes me sound Russian...
Then Soviet
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
When the ghost saw his wife he said 'you're not just cute, you're boo-tiful too!'
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
With the kind of weather, it was almost certain that the bride-to-be would get a hoarse throat as she walked through the rain into her bridal shower.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
One of my friends got lost while touring Tokyo. Turns out it was all Ja-plan.
I was under the blues, so I had to blue my nose occasionally.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
Everyone wondered why Cinderella was such a bad player. If only they knew, her coach was a pumpkin.
People always talk about the 'Eye Of The Tiger'. No one talks about the other four letters.
Why do skeleton's make such good comedians? They have so many funny bones.
What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire for too long?
He became bone dry.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
What will a space turkey say to another one? Hubble Hubble.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet