Is a cowboy with his foot across the Canadian border in Canada?
Just aboot.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
Many mumbling mice are making merry music in the moonlight.
If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ?
K9P.
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
What's the name of a nurse who inserts plastic tubes into people?
Catherine.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What did Homer Simpson say when he saw a female deer?
“Doe!”
Mom was a milk maid and dad worked the meat grinder at the local butcher. When they got married they took their vows very seriously.
They really meant it was for butter or for wurst.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
I will only give someone a kleenex if I've known them for a long time.
I guess you could say I have trust-tissues.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
What do you call a guy that has good manners, bad hygiene, and an affinity for word play?
PunGent.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
Tom threw Tim three thumbtacks.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
The little boy autumn-bled over the pile of fallen leaves and yellow-d for help.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What is American football called in other countries?
30.48 cm ball.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a crab with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
The Greeks make the best cheese
You feta believe it!
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
Once upon a time I was accidentally made a priest.
It was a clerical error.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.
I was in shambles.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
I wanted to buy a $30 meal for my father, my grandfather and father-in-law. I figured they'd lump em all together and charge a reduced fee.
But no, I was charged $30 a pop.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
How do you know flowers are friendly?
They always have new buds!
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
You heard about the Spanish woman that is now a man?
He’s called Senor Rita.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.