In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
The skeleton couldn't keep anything tidy because of his lazy bones.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
I feel tail great!
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
Snow thank you.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
What do you call a person who illegally delivers hugs from country to country?
An international snuggler
The gang of crows used a crowbar to break into the house.
Why didn't the sentence have a period?
Because it was pregnant.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
Why was Frankenstein’s monster always being arrested?
He was so easy to charge.
Did you hear about the colorful sea cow?
Oh the hue-manatee!!!
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
Fall makes me g-leaf-full!
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
What did James Bond’s mom say as she was giving birth?
"I’ve been expecting you, Mr. Bond."
What sign was posted in the witches' parking lot?
Violators will be toad.
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?
Anette.