What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
I like you a latte.
What do you think of puns about deer?
“I’m very fawn’d of them myself.”
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.
I hear the Minotaur is really stubborn....
He's really bull-headed.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
You'd never get a rainbow in the red of night.
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
"Oh, I wanna dance with some bunny, with some bunny who loves me."
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
Why did the bus driver laugh? He was having a 'wheely' good time!
What did the deer say after he finished eating?
“That was deer-licious!”
A space fish is usually called starfish.
This foundation is rock salad.
What is the angriest place on Earth?
Ire-land
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What do you call a fake Irish stone?
A shamrock.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
What do you call a quiet sheep?
A shhhhhhh-eep.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
The painting was framed, so the cops arrested it.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What language do they speak in Italy
Times New Roman.
Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris?
He was declared to be in Seine.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What is a wolf’s favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
What did the osteopathic medicine doctor bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
How does a quarter moon always feel?
Crestfallen.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.