What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
Poor white splash.
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
Practice safe text: use commas.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
What did the first thunderstorm of the year say?
Hail to the spring!
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ? A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
When facing trouble in the workspace, all the colorists rallied together by saying, "Come what grey, we will overcome all obstacles!"
If a wine connoisseur is called a sommelier then a perfume connoisseur should be called a smellier.
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
Asked a pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?"
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
How do blind folks buy homes in hot markets?
Sight unseen.
What do you call an ant who joins the army?
Milit-ant.
"You round me out." — High Card Band
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot? Because it's not fast food.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
Why didn’t the hipster real estate agent show the ocean-side mansion?
It was too current.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
Why did the castle keep swearing?
It had turrets.
How does a volleyball team welcome their new neighbors? With a block party.
A car carrying bank robbers and a truck carrying cement collided yesterday. Police are now searching for hardened criminals.
Can I be Candide with you?
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
What do you call Batman when he is injured?
Bruised Wayne.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What goes ‘Cackle, cackle, cackle, bonk’?
A witch laughing her head off.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.