Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
Red wasn't feeling very well for the past few weeks. He has been diagnosed with scarlet fever.
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'
What if the earth was both round and flat?
Would it be called cylindearth?
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
Why did the American student spend his year in European brothels?
To study a broad.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
"Hey! You stole my thunder."
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
The cat’s out of the bag – I love you purry much.
Happy Valentine's day.
Such a Lovely day.
What's a pun's best trait?
His pun-ctuality!
Which month can’t make a decision?
MAY-be.
Son: does Easter Bunny set out 12 eggs in the field to search for?
Dad: no he dozen’t.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.
You’re udder-ly perfect.
What do you call a funnel shaped storm made of ketchup?
A tormato.
I personally think bunnies are ear-resistible.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
“He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart.”
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Wanna know a way for werewolves to howl other than the full moon?
Make them stub their toe.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
Bat boy!