What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
The only ship that has never docked on their harbor is the premiership.
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
How do you talk to giants?
Use big words!
Did you hear the plum joke? A: It was pitiful.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, oceans don't talk they just wave!
Doctor: Are you aware of your sodium intake?
Me: Na.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
The best armor for sneaking is leather armor.
Because it's made of hide.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
What's Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy O'Furniture.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
I need more soap puns!
Because all the good ones keep slipping through my fingers.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
You don't like the outdoors? Unbe-leaf-able.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
Which legend lived in a shack? Was it Eddy? No, Ma-hovel-ich!
How does a vampire keep fit?
Batminton.
I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.
It really came out of the purple.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
Grammar Nazis for math should be called Fibbonazis.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
Do you know why no one has ever been sentenced for crimes committed on the moon?
Because it's a gray area.
Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.
Aliens hate playing golf in space as there are too many black holes!
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.