What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
Son: does Easter Bunny set out 12 eggs in the field to search for?
Dad: no he dozen’t.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Irish I had better jokes.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
Every morning when I leave home, a bike comes from somewhere and runs me over. It’s a vicious cycle.
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
I'll be making a movie about the Greek alphabets.
It's a Psi Phi film.
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
Irish I may, Irish I might.
Why was the shy guy terrible at baseball?
He never got to third base.
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What do you call someone who's obsessed with Christmas? Santa-mental.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
How many grammar cops does it take to change a light bulb?
Too.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
Girls just wanna have sun!
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
Don't fork-get your manners.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Made a shoe out of tea bags for my wife, she said she needed to wipe her nose.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
No-bunny is as hare-larious as you.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!