Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
Me and my friend were going to a costume party. He told me he was coming as a small island off the coast of Italy.
I said don’t be Sicily.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set
What's wrong with those big game hunters?!
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie.
How are pirates like trumpets?
They murder the high C’s!
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
What do you call a ghoul who sits too close to the fire?
A toasty ghosty.
What happens when Bigfoot gets lost in the fog?
He is mist!
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
Why did the penguin enter the theatre?
He wanted to go into snow business
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Why do math teachers make good dancers?
Because they have algorithm.
What type of food do worms like?
Your Halloween Candy!
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Pad kid poured curd pulled cold.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
I got a parking ticket today and my husband just laughed.
He thought it was a fine joke.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...
He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
Cassini spacecraft took pictures of both Saturn and Earth. It was literally the best of both worlds.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
My favourite piece in chess is the rook
It is the most straight-forward.
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
How do ski instructors get to work?
By icicle.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
My son claims that he identifies as an ancient Greek string instrument.
Frankly, I think he's a lyre.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.