Who is Frosty’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt Artica!
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
I'm currently dating a famous soccer player. He's so loving and caring towards me.
He's a keeper.
What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key.
Who makes dinosaur clothes? dino-sewer.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
The bartender told the ghost they don't serve spirits after midnight.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
Where will you find an FBI sketch artist? In the bureau drawer.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
I started watching soccer because I could see it’s very relevant to my life.
Little to no goals.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Did you hear about the girl who put gorilla glue in her hair?
Her stupidity knew no bonds
It's foolish for humans to try and take back the planet of the apes
Since they are incredibly good at gorilla warfare.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Slightly disappointed that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders" have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
Has the abominable snowman called?
Not Yeti.
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,
But I’ll learn to deal with it.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
What kind of deer make great weather forecasters?
Rain-deer.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
What did the mommy dolphin do when her son was an hour late for dinner?
She flipped out!
Which channels do the asteroids like to watch? The comet-y channel.
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
Why do dwarves live in mountains?
They dig it.
What’s the hardest part about working as a bus driver? Everyone’s talking behind your back.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.