Basketball players at times get athletes foot. Come to think of it, it is like the missle toe astronauts get.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
What does Earth get on Earth day ?
A birthday quake !
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?
A robber ducky.
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
I always remember to eat my soup with a spoon.
It’s un-fork-edible.
“Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.”
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
Lots of eggs-ercise!
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
when I’m with you.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
What do you call a perfect submarine?
Sub-optimal.
Once upon a time I was accidentally made a priest.
It was a clerical error.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
Did you hear about the cows struck by lightning?
They were completely cattletonic!
What do you call a girl who's very good at human chess and checkers?
Ingrid.
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
How heavy are your bones?
They are scale-a-ton.
What did the turkey say after Thanksgiving dinner? I'm still stuffed.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
Why did the skeletons form a rock band?
They wanted to “Rattle them bones”!
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
I was in the hospital the other day and the nurse asked how I was doing; I told her I was fine until my bladder had to go and get infected.
I mean, the gall...
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
I met my husband while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...
straightaway I knew he was a keeper.