Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Hurricane
Hurricane who?
Hurry! Cane you jog away from the storm?
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
You’re sledding a fine line there.
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
What happens if you run in front of a car?
You get tired.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
What do you tell a cheese going through a hard time?
Ricotta get through this.
What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
What's the ghoul's favorite sauce?
Grave-y.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
Why is it good to drink witch's brew?
It's very newt-tricious!
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
Which LA King was the total package? Parcel Dionne.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
What does Earth get on Earth day ?
A birthday quake !
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
This may be corny, but you are a-maize-ing.
People call my obsession with the afterlife, suicidal. Truth be told,
I'm dying to find out if there is life after death.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
I've stopped paying $6 for sham poo
After all, I make my own DIY genuine poo every morning.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
Why does Moon goes to the bank? To change his quarters.