I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
What did the werewolf say when he sat on sandpaper?
- Ruff!
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Drink happy thoughts.
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
I’m in such a Henri to get to France!
What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
What do you call the process of naming the various species of dwarves, faeries, trolls, etc?
Binomial gnomenlature.
In the magazine polls held this fall, Autumn was declared as the cutest season because it's awwwtumn!
Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug - although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty year old thug thought of that morning.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
What do you call a divorce but for bananas?
Banana split!
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What do you call a doctor who became a delivery driver?
MedEx
What did the Gorilla say when he saw there was a sale happening?
Ooh! OOh! OOOh!!!!
Why did the Sun never got into college? Because it already has quite a million degrees!
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
Why did the castle keep swearing?
It had turrets.
There are so much beautiful sceneries near the river valleys. They are totally gorges.
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.