If you don't focus on learning your lines for the production, I shutter to imagine what the reviewers will snap about.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
What do you call it when you get mugged on the vernal equinox?
The first robbin’ of spring!
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
What kind of shark is always gambling?
A card shark.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ? Long distance!
Have you ever seen a girl done makeup while camping?
It's pretty in tents.
My father had the uncanny ability to know which way the wind blew by feeling his jugular...
`It was his weather vein.
What kind of werewolf can track down flowers ?
A bud hound
Dublin’ the fun.
What do llamas call the end of the world?
Llamageddon.
What's in the middle of Paris?
R.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
How many snacks could a snack stacker stack, if a snack stacker snacked stacked snacks?
What did the Australian Chess player say about the mouldy bread?
"Stalemate."
Did you know that a Squid’s esophagus goes through its brain?
Food for thought, isn’t it?
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
When NASA will put 20 heads of cattle into the outer space, it will be the 1st herd shot around the entire world.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
I seen my father pouring chicken soup over his compost yesterday
I suppose chicken soup IS good for the soil.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
What is the difference between Barry Zito and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.
Many people think that the Abominable Snowman doesn't exist...
Yeti does.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
"Partners in wine."
Why do so few vegetarians become competitive swimmers?
They don’t like the swim meats!
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
Why is the French Prime Minister never seen in the morning?
Becasue he is pm not am!
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
The artist thought she was all that and pen some.
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
Q. Which square dancing step do stags enjoy most?
A. The Doe-si-Does.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
Who was Shakespeare's reptilian cousin?
Snakespeare
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
What do you call a skeleton who goes to school but doesn’t do any work?
Lazy bones.