What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
The only thing I got for my wife on her birthday was a big helium balloon.
It didn’t go down very well.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
How many bones are in the human hand?
A handful of them.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
Bake big batches of bitter brown bread
The painting was framed, so the cops arrested it.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
It’s the most wine-derful time of the year.
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
Why are crows so interesting?
Just beCAWse
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
Your good weed for the day.
Why did the bunny bang his head on the piano? He was playing by ear!
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Why did the penguin enter the theatre?
He wanted to go into snow business
Q. What did the witch get when she crossed a doe with a tornado?
A. A whirling deer-vish.
If two witches were watching two watches: which witch would watch which watch?
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.