Bobby Bippy bought a bat.
Bobby Bippy bought a ball.
With his bat Bob banged the ball
Banged it bump against the wall
But so boldly Bobby banged it
That he burst his rubber ball
"Boo!" cried Bobby
Bad luck ball
Bad luck Bobby, bad luck ball
Now to drown his many troubles
Bobby Bippy's blowing bubbles.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
What do French cars wear as hats?
Bonnets.
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
I’ve been going through a lot of sh** lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
What do cows in Greece sound like?
They say µ.
What made the computer so smart?
Because he listened to his motherboard!
You will never see a vampire betting on the horses. They can't handle the stakes.
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Patient: "Nurse im suffering from bacon disease!" Nurse: "Baloney"
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
Why did the hotdogger quit skiing at MaryJane?
Because it was the wurst stunt skier at Winter Park Resort.
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
I couldn't chair less!
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
You seem a little mer-mad.
How did the real estate agent handle the rude client?
She showed her some manors.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
If two vampires have a race, will it be neck and neck?
What does Earth get on Earth day ?
A birthday quake !
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
If you are going to sleep, I wish you suite dreams.