Grammar has never been my strong suit.
What does a bee do when it is extremely hot?
It takes off its yellow jacket!
If an astronaut steps on chewing gum then what will happen to him? He will simply be stuck on the Orbit.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
10-tickles.
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
During the divorce, the judge couldn't decide who got the shack in the backyard, despite our numerous arguments.
It was a case of he shed, she shed.
He has some good puns on crows, but he doesn’t have to keep crowing about it.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
What did the llama say to the grass?
“Nice gnawing you!”
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
A young man had just returned home from culinary school and was telling his family about everything he had learned.
"The most interesting thing I learned was about the French Fry", he told them.
"Combing through historical records, we found that it was not first fried in France!"
His family was astounded, and asked where it was fried originally.
"In Grease, of course."
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
I was astonished when my shirt's color changed from red to pink after a wash. Guess it showed me its true colors.
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
The ruddy widow really wants ripe watermelon and red roses when winter arrives.
They say March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. Ewe might say it leaves sheepishly.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
"Just one hot chick."
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
What did the angry artist say? Don't get me arted!
Why didn't the frog park on the side of the road?
He was afraid of getting toad.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!