Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
A beaver told a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
When Dumbo’s mom was pregnant, no one would talk about it.
It was the elephant in the womb.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Blue and green stopped fighting because they had agreed on peace teal.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
What month always asks questions and permission?
May!
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Why does Venus have a crush on the sun?
Because the sun is really hot.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
If a young goat learns a martial art, are they a karate kid?
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Don’t make such a Dreyfus about it.
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne".
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
What did the snowplow guy say when his equipment broke down?
Take this job and shovel it!
What’s a shark’s favorite bible story?
Noah’s Shark.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
When astronauts die, the local papers run an orbituary.
A sun walks into a black hole.
The black hole says to the sun "I don't think you understand the gravity of this situation".
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key