What is the fastest fish in the water? A motopike
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a person who makes pots?
Harry Potter
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Did you hear about the incident at the tiger exhibit?
It was a big cat-astrophe
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.
Because they have immunity.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
What do you call the Greek version of Spider-Man?
Pita Parker.
If you were born and raised in France, what does that make you?
French bred.
What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?
Officer on doody!
Basketball players are not that patient to follow-through an elaborate court-ship procedure.
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
The chicken got sent off in the middle of the match because of their persistent fowl play.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
What is the best toothpaste for the brain?
Neural crest.
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
The reason why bowling alleys are so quiet is such that you can hear a pin drop.
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
Which hulking left-winger could body-slam The Giant? Dave Andre-chuck.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
Can a fencing champion born in France, but raised in the U.S. represent either country in the olympics?
Yes. Because they have duel citizenship.
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters?
He cleaned out every crook and nanny.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
Today I be-leaf in leprechauns
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
A werewolf's favorite day of the week is Moonday.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Did you hear about the vultures who went to check-in for their flight at the airport? When the check-in agent asked them if they had any luggage to check, they replied, no we just have carri-on.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.