Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
“What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa’s Workshop? A rebel without a Claus.”
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
[Pool Noodle] That’s using your noodle!
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
Time to celery-brate.
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
This weekend, I will watch a new Irish movie based on a marathon runner who only ate potatoes. It is called Starch Trek.
What type of elements know everybody on earth?
Met-all.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.
I said, "alphabetically or by age?"
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
Tne thing you won't catch a vampire ordering in a restaurant is a stake sandwich.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
I whale always love you.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane?
OsMoses.
I slapped my violin out of anger, then I got arrested for domestic violins.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Winter is un-brr-lieveable!
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
"Now he's just some bunny that I used to know."
What is a doctor's favorite element?
Healium.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.